Saturday, December 04, 2010

BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS(5)-'MATE' RELATIONSHIP

’The poor is hated even of his own neighbour: but the rich has many friends’-PROVERBS

Hi dear, i have not been here in a while...'activities'.lol. Very quickly today, i’ll want to continue on the series on building relationships. We have concluded that there are four types of relationships: mentoring (head), mate (contemporary), mentee (protégé), and marital (spouse). I have carved out the M’s for easy remembrance-'4M’s of relationship' and also said four perhaps because that signifies balance. You are possibly sitting on a 4-leg chair and working on a 4-leg table, driving a 4-wheel car, living in a 4-wall house... Four because you have north, south, east and west. Also remember, when you have these you are fully covered; your mentor ahead of you, your mate one side, your mentee behind and your spouse on the other side. Maybe you want to ask, how about ‘up and down’. Well, you have Source (God) up and you trample on the devil downward. I guess I’m communicating. These have been the crux of the above subject. Those said; let’s move on to ‘mate’ relationship. Do enjoy.





By ‘mate’, I mean a contemporary. This is the second stage of our talk. We need to understand the power in relationships. I can’t over emphasize, everything rises and falls on it. The essence of this series is to cause us to be deliberate about cultivating them. No man succeeds in isolation. The solution you need on that issue may not be as ‘spiritual’ as you think it is, it may just be relational. I remember sometime ago in the city where i live, i became ‘stranded’ and tried all i could until i got across one of my ‘big sis friend’ who introduced me to the commissioner for health at that time. Just some few lines inscribed on his card was what i needed for that ‘breakthrough’ (loads of others...). How about if i didn’t know the lady or the lady didn’t know that figure-relationships .Someone has said, 5 years from now, i will tell your future by the books you read and the friends i see you keep. Indeed your friends determine your end. It is not by force, it is by choice. Several years ago, i decided i was gonna have friends in every facet of life; social, political, spiritual, economical, entertainment, sport etc. You never can tell, you never can tell, dearie.





In building relationships 2, i made mention of how Jehoram in the bible who could succeed at a time just because of his relationship with Jehoshaphat. I also did mention how Paul didn’t state any armour to protect our back (Eph 6) cos i believe ‘he understands’ that in a battle you really do not bother who is behind you cos you’re sure that person is your friend and not foe and that’s why it’s been asked; Who’s got your back? See, on this forum, in the past few months i have met folks who are doing well in their spheres of influence, we communicate, get to share thoughts etc. In fact, i recently meet some physically and we got talking more. Talking about the ‘delibracy’ in building relationships. Life revolves around it, dear-that cannot be over-emphasised. I should put a reminder; a man’s enemy are members of his household and that's why you must be selective about this. It is not by force but by choice. I must also say that though relationships could be your greatest assets, it could also be your greatest threat. That’s why there are; SUBTRACTORS, DIVIDERS, ADDERS AND MULTIPLYERS. Seek for the last two. Though the first two could also be learning points...hmmmh.





Quickly, before I drop, I also think I should share on the levels of relationship so we don’t go and become a victim; 1.Acquaintance level 2.Friendship level 3.Covenant/Accountability partner level. See, you must not jump this order in building relationship...it’s is step by step:


Acquaintance level: this is the ‘hi hi’ level. You just know each other by name. Exchange pleasantries and that’s about all. You just ‘know’ the person. No serious bond yet. Just on a casual level. You know what i’m saying.
Friendship level: at this point, you begin to know some details. He/she actually becomes your friend. You assist one another in timed of need. Know some bit of each other’s secrets. You network! Rich men know these principles and that’s why they keep like-minded folks close by. hmmmh; ‘Iron sharpens iron ; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend’(Proverbs 27:17).This also begins on a casual level before it becomes intimate. See, ’the poor is hated even of his own neighbour: but the rich has many friends’-Proverbs 14:20
Covenant/Accountability Partners: this is the climax and a classical example is the relationship between Jonathan and David. This person knows virtually everything about you. Your weaknesses, pains, joys, disappointments etc. Usually many folks have this as their as spouses but since most of us don’t have one yet, then? But those on this level should be few, 1, 2 or 3 at most for obvious reasons.

Friend let me get to know you more (i mean, let’s get knowing each other better). Let’s ‘inbox’, let’s talk, let’s share ideas. I need you to survive. You need me as well. Let’s build a big family. It’s your nod/signature/comment i may need tomorrow. You may also just need my call/presence etc the next hour. Remember, that your ‘breakthrough’ may just be a relationship away-BUILD IT.



Let’s see these:

A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity- Prov 17:17

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer

than a brother-Prov 27:6

Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful-Prov 27:6

Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty

Counsel-Prov 27:9

Thine own friend, and thy father's friend, forsake not; neither go into thy brother's house in

the day of thy calamity: for better is a neighbour that is near than a brother far off-Prov27:10



I’m coming back with ‘Mentee relationship’. You wouldn’t want to miss that.



P.S: If you are reading this for the first time them simply go to http://successkatalyst.blogspot.com/ or click on my notes on FB to read the previous in the series.



Be all YOU CAN

Thursday, September 02, 2010

NATIONAL TRANSFORMATION (4)-THE WORK CONCEPT

‘There is no substitute for work, not even divine guidance, it is at best a complement’- David Abioye

‘Idleness is the father of poverty and the grand-father of slavery’- Olaniyi Soyinka




I must quickly start by saying that the journey to national development (change, greatness, success etc) begins with you and I. There are certain principles that I believe would aid this development and I have written on some which include: LOVE FACTOR, WE ARE THE LEADERS OF TOMORROW, WAR AGAINST IGNORANCE...Do kindly take out time to read on my blog, ‘http://successkatalyst.blogspot.com/’ as well as other series I am run concurrently-BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS and HEARING GOD. In this note, I’ll like to draw our attention to another vital principle as we continue this journey on national transformation-the concept of work.





I want to take us quickly back to the beginning. It is interesting to note that one of the first things that characterized the creator (God) is work. He so worked that after 6 days it is said that He rested. Hmmmh.The earth was without form and void but He had to ‘work-it-out’. Our nation is in such a state (formless and void)-we must work-it-out. I wouldn’t want to leave the story of creation quickly. See, when God created His man, the first thing He (God) gave him was work. Yes, I know the first words man heard was to be fruitful, multiply, subdue, replenish and to have dominion. You call it the blessing, I call it work. You know why? When you go further, you will realize that God put Adam into the garden and said ‘dress and keep it’-that’s the concept of management but that’s not for today( you ‘n’ I are managers from the beginning.lol).However, our focus in this piece is on the concept of work. This is ‘revelational’-the first idea God introduced to man was the concept of work. Nothing works until we work. Even though God is a good creator/designer, see what happened; ‘In the day when the Lord God made earth and heaven there were no plants of the field on the earth, and no grass had come up: for the Lord God had not sent rain on the earth and there was no man to do work on the land. (Genesis 2:5) Got that? The earth could not yield her fruit until man tilled (worked) it. What I am trying to establish is that there is no excuse for idleness. If from the beginning it existed, it will continue. There is dignity in labour. ‘No food for lazy man’-I concur absolutely. A man who cannot work/cannot provide for his household is worse than an infidel. Guys, if you don’t have work, never think of marriage (another day). Delay gratification, take that course, take up that job, make that investment. I think there is a proverb that goes; hard work doesn’t kill. No, it doesn’t and so let’s WORK!





I had someone say, if we want to exchange greetings with somebody, we ask, how is the family, then, how is work? Isn’t it? That shows how ‘key’ work is. Though in creation, work even came before the family. This is just to further establish the place of work. Very recently, I was chatting with one of my friends who work closely to a certain great man by any standard. I tried to ask how he had been coping/balancing cos I have always known that this man was a workaholic. My friend said he doesn’t spend up to 5 hrs in his house in the 24hrs he has in a day and that his phone should never go off. As I was chatting with him late in the night, he told me he was still working but he made a profound statement about this great man that kept me ‘sober’ n finking. He said ‘work is tired of this man’. What? I thought man is usually tired of work but the reverse is the case here. No wonder the faith tabernacle. I wonder why all the ‘erelus’ will not go to sleep/ keep shot. Well, that is not the subject here so I don’t get 'emotional' and OOP. What I my trying to drive @? When you become a worker, you become a wonder. You know what that talks about-development. Paul said I labour, no wonder the proofs. Possibly there is some one reading this and saying but where is the job. That's true especially when I see the current recruitment going on at the FRSC and the number of applicants, my heart skips. However, they say necessity is the mother of invention. Look within and do find time to read my piece, YOU MUST BECOME AN ENTREPRENEUR.





I have said a bit about work without defining it. Work is to do something that involves physical or mental effort. ‘My physics’ says it is: ‘WORK=FORCE*DISTANCE’. That means asserting force in the right direction (the fulfilment of purpose). It means labour,

activity, effort, job, operation, transaction, business etc. What I mean is that, whatsoever your hand finds to do, do it with all your heart. Are you a student, be diligent. Be the best. Are you a farmer, sow the right seeds. An engineer? Work well. Are you the one that has none yet? Find one. There is always something to do no matter how small. See, you must delay gratification. A great percentage of the great men we see around today started very small but you can never compare the results they have attained to when they were just starting. Now let’s look at the scripture I paraphrased earlier more closely-The Preacher 9:10:

‘Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest’ (KJV).

‘Whatever turns up, grab it and do it. And heartily! This is your last and only chance at it, For there's neither work to do nor thoughts to think in the company of the dead, where you're most certainly headed’ (MSG)

‘Work hard at whatever you do. You will soon go to the world of the dead where no one works or thinks or reasons or knows anything’ (CEV)

‘Whatever comes to your hand to do with all your power, do it because there is no work, or thought, or knowledge, or wisdom in the place of the dead to which you are going’ (BBE)

You see, while reading this scripture sometime ago, I realized that ‘hell’ or ‘dead’ do not have to be literal. What it means is that those who do not work or do it well will experience hell/death while still alive.





Let me draw our attention to something else. See, almost throughout the bible, God did select busy/working men to fulfil His mandate-Moses, Noah, David etc Of course, you know space will not allow me describe each. Going to Jesus, you’ll realize that almost all His disciples were chosen in the place of their work-fishermen, task collector etc. He also did say that he must be at His Father’s business (work) while it is day for the night comes where no man can. Great! Jesus’ work brought about a generational transformation and not just a national one. You work and mine will do same and more for/in our nation. Work, Work, Work is the word dear.




Dear friend, our nation is destined for greatness. We must strive to be the best, do our work (with excellence). Praying is not enough. Add to it love, study...I’ll keep bringing the keys as I’m ‘led’. To the Nigerian youth, remember, there is no future anywhere, the future ‘they’ talked about is already here. We are not the leaders of tomorrow. This is our time-this is our season. Anywhere we find ourselves, let us contribute our quota to national development. And to the NYSC members, do the ad-hoc duty that INEC will be enrolling you for in the right spirit and with utmost integrity and let’s have the freest and fairest election. We have suffered enough. Nigeria will be great. I so believe and submit.





Be all YOU CAN.



N.B: If you are in Kaduna or visiting, kindly join us at Fresh Word Bible Church, Kakuri this Sunday, 4th September, 2010 for the Economic Empowerment Summit with theme; God’s Survival Strategies for Hard Times. I’ll be speaking specifically on: WHAT IS YOUR OCCUPATION? Time: 9.00am. You may book for your CD as well as make other enquiries on +234(0)7034570310. See you!!!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

NATIONAL TRANSFORMATION (3)-WAR AGAINST IGNORANCE

‘Till I come, give attention to reading’…says a wise man to his protégée.

Not too long ago, I started a series on national transformation. In the first, I tried to address the issue of leadership. I stated that it was high time we left the ‘servant-leadership’ cycle to what I call, ‘love-leadership’. In the second note, I entitled; WE ARE THE LEADERS OF TOMORROW, I did abuse that statement stating that we as youths have been cheated for long-It is our time. The tomorrow ‘they’ talked about yesterday is never gonna come; it is here. Now, I have come to discuss the 3rd in this series-WAR AGAINST IGNORANCE- another key factor as we seek for national transformation. I tell you, our nation will flourish again. Can I hear you say…

The Oxford advanced learner’s dictionary defines ignorance as lack of knowledge or information about something .Ignorance, they say is a disease. How true! My drive in this piece is to fight ignorance by knowledge via the instrumentality of reading. Believe it or yes, you are where you are because of your level of knowledge and will be where you desire by the knowledge you acquire. Summarily, you rise as far as your knowledge level. Knowledge is powerful (though potentially). Ironically, despite having a lot of materials (books, internet, CD’s, phones etc) through which one can acquire this element, most still wallow in ignorance. My people perish for lack of knowledge. Note; He didn’t say ‘they perish for the absence of knowledge, but for the lack of it (they refused to acquire it) and that is why that scripture continues by saying ‘because you have refused…I will…’Are you refusing it? It holds the key to your transformation. I have seen tremendous transformation in life by this simple truth. I remember, just 2 years ago before my NYSC how in the space of 6 weeks, I attended The Word of faith Bible Institute,(WOFBI) Kaduna and on the day of graduation, I was on my way to Lagos for Daystar leadership academy (DLA). It’s  just the hunger and thirst in me for knowledge. It is not that I have attained; I still ‘struggle’ but I believe I can share some ‘real truths’.

One way to acquire this (knowledge) and which I want to zero on is, READING. See, there is virtually no question you want to ask now that isn’t hidden in one book or the other-somewhere. No wonder, there is no new thing under the sun. I believe the concluding part of that statement is; ‘it is all hidden in a book’. I told my folks some weeks ago that when you say, ‘kia’, that Pastor/speaker has rev, I tell you, some of those things are what he/she has read in a book but because we have not gotten it/ read them, we are dazed. And really that’s what you need to win in life-have something that someone else doesn’t and he/she pays for it. Sometime ago, I was thinking about ‘the professor’, I realize, he/she is actually one who knows ‘everything’ about a ‘small thing’. I have also come to the conclusion that you can also be a ‘professor’ by ‘labouring’ in the place of your core skill and acquire all the knowledge you can along that line.


To become a leader, you must be a reader. Actually, committed learners are real leaders. For your life not to be in red (danger), Bishop Abioye said, you must read.I had him also say, in the school of knowledge, there is no graduation. When you stop learning (via reading-I add) you will start dying whether you are 80 or 18.The world is no longer for graduates, it is for consultants-people who have mastered a place of interest and done a lot of studies along that line. I was told that if you begin to read for one hour in the place of interest, in the next 5 years thereabout, you will be among the top 1% in the world. One of my folks stated that when she heard me say this she started and has not remained the same. Reading has a lot of benefits. I tell you, every successful man has been a product of books. I remember Rev.Sam Adeyemi telling us that when he was leaving for another house, the guys packing his things said they spent the whole day packing just books. He currently has about 3 libraries full of books in his new home, he stated. No wonder, you’ll say. Bishop Oyedepo will always say-it was when I read so and so book that I realize this and that. Just 2 nights ago, (when I was putting this down) I had him saying live, how he reviewed 10 of Kenneth E.Hagin’s books last year, that of T.L Osborn etc . I’ll say again, no wonder the proofs. He also stated sometime ago of having 700 books on leadership ALONE. Can you imagine? I had to ask myself if I had that amount of books collectively or if  I even had 7 books on leadership. The benefits cannot be over emphasized.
Now let me quickly state some tips to take immediately in order to ‘join the club’ and leave the den of ignorance;

1. Desire: there must be a strong desire to read. Desire is strong passion enough to sacrifice for (say Myles Munroe).Sacrifice the sleep, the film, the jist and pick a book. You must just be deliberate about this. This is the starting point. Like I said, let’s sacrifice those stuffs. They call it ‘delaying gratification’.

2. Start with your area of strength: what I mean is this, start reading in the place of interest. Some like fictions, thriller, comic etc but don’t end there.’Graduate’ to something more serious. It is always said that to know your ‘purpose’-ask yourself where your passion lies. If you love cooking, begin to read along that line. Is it sewing, designing, events management, counseling, music etc.-Read along that line! There is something to read. Again, the world is no longer for graduates but for consultants. That’s why you now hear ‘consultant engineer’, ‘consultant doc’, ‘consultant farmer’ etc Like I said earlier, I have had it said that, if you read for a minimum of an hour along a place of interest; in the next 5years, you will be among the top 1% in that field-obviously, a consultant. In fact, look around after one year, you will notice a significant change.Please, try it and see.

3. Have a ‘master-mind’ group: How do I mean? Navigate around those who are readers, they have a way of challenging and propelling you. Wise company…There are people definitely around you who you could share thoughts with, exchange books and sharpen each other. Everything rises and falls on association. Analyze those books with the group and not those ‘unnecessary films’/football matches.


4. Set a timetable: I remember years ago when I was finding it difficult to read as supposed, I had to set a timetable-a chapter everyday. I have changed that now, though. Yours could be same or by number of pages. Just set a time frame-say a book per month of 2 etc. It makes you disciplined and committed to do your best.


5. Keep books all around you: Endeavour to have books all around-your bed, car, etc- to keep you in check. I have scores of them all around me ‘begging’ to be read. My nature of job has made me reduce-thinking of taking a course on ‘speed-reading’. I have hundreds of others as soft copies ‘waiting’.

Get those books, dearie. That question you seek answer to is hidden in that book not too far. So, before you go for the next ‘deliverance’-read that book. It holds the key to your deliverance.


6. Do something: It is not what you have read that makes you but what you do with them. It is the doer that is blessed. Work on/with what you read. Find ways of practically applying what you read. Ok?

The benefits cannot be overemphasized; you get to rub minds with great men (literally you are in their ‘world of thought’; you have an edge over your contemporaries; You also get to discover your place. Do you know that until the Master read, he didn’t know…this day is this scripture fulfilled. I, Daniel understood by the book, so your understanding is also enhanced by reading…many, many more benefits. Get to read, friend.

Be all YOU CAN!

NATIONAL TRANSFORMATION (2)-WE ARE THE LEADERS OF TOMORROW


About a week ago, my good friend, Sola organized an event he called Jamb 2010 Colloquium that had over 300 Jambites in attendance. It was targeted at giving them a first hand information on what they will be facing a week from then and much afterwards. It was indeed a huge success and i celebrate my friend. Anyway, i have not come to tell you about jamb but what caught my attention at the event. Some of those students wore shirts that carried the words; ‘we are the leaders of tomorrow’ behind. That caught my attention and provoked me to write this piece, finally though i had it in mind earlier. I am about two and a half-decade old and i have been hearing those words even when i was a toodler. You remember that song; ‘parents, parents, listen to your children, children, they are the leaders of tomorrow, tomorrow...bla, bla, bla’.



My question now is; who are the leaders? Where are they? When is the tomorrow? I should quickly state that this piece is dedicated to the Nigerian youth. You will agree with me that the men who have ruled this nation since independence  are still in the helm of affairs and i still keep wondering. As if to make matters worst, earlier today i saw on the Thisday newspaper front page that Nigeria’s political maradonna, IBB said in an interview on the Hausa service of BBC that; ‘Younger Generation Can’t Rule Nigeria’. I would ask you to please go read the full interview. Meanwhile, look at his answer to some of the questions (this concerns our discussion today)

Dont you think it is time to allow the younger generations take over from you the older ones as it happened in America and other parts of the world?
IBB: Honestly, it is our wish that God will bring the younger people that will take over from us if they are available. I was the one who introduced the politics of new breed in this country.
Why didn
t you step aside and give the younger generation a chance to lead since they are fresh and strong?
IBB: Because we have seen signs that they are not capable of leading this country and so we feel we should help them.  May be they are not given the proper education that is why.  I have spent 17 years since I left office. 
Haba! The younger generation is supposed to be in charge by now.

But a country like Nigeria cannot be ruled by people without experience. People like the Obama that you are speaking about have the experience. He started from the state House of Assembly to the House of Representatives and to the Senate. If our youths are like this, we will say they have the requisite experience. But we have not reached that level.


I believe this should be a wakeup call or rather a slap to every sane Nigerian youth. He mentioned some important points such as our lack of experience and lack of proper education etc. Before you start being defensive and the rest please hear me out for a little moment. I have been a very serious critic recently. Time will not allow me to tell all, but some of my initial write-ups will have shown you that. Just some weeks ago, my newest mentor and i spoke for about 4hrs (between 7pm and 11pm) and because i insisted on a subject i was so bent on, we couldn’t talk much-he latter sent me a mail ‘warning’ me as regards it. More so, Dale Carnegie, in his book’ ‘how to win friends and influence people’ stated that; ‘don’t criticize, condemn or complain’. Having said all this i’ll like us to logically make some analysis to enable us know why these men are still relevant and why they still want to remain. See, most of these guys are military personnel’s have been able to use some of these military principles to stay alive. I will point at some of these and you will now judge if the Nigerian youth is ready to indeed ‘take-over’.

  1. Discipline: this is simply the practice of training people to obey rules and others; a method of training your mind or body or of controlling your behaviour. I think this goes down well with a typical soldier; the rigours in the military world has entrenched into them the drive to be disciplined. They face various harsh and unpleasant conditions. Nevertheless, they get going. How disciplined are you? You closest friend? A typical Nigerian youth don’t want to delay gratification. He wants it now. It is sharp, sharp, now, now or never.
  2. Winning mentality: the consciousness of continuous victory and a never die spirit is enshrined in a military personnel. Never give up, we must win the battle. Victory, victory is the watch word. What is the percentage of the Nigerian youth have such spirit? Do they believe they can surmount the eminent opposition?
  3. Not inferior: the military man has a great esteem for his job. He is fearless. He does harass you on the street. He is thought to take pride in what he does. No matter his pay, he works as if he is the most paid.

To succeed, we must be like these military men in our minds-not character though. Some scriptures are beginning to make more sense to me; be soldiers of Christ; the weapons of our warfare are not carnal; we wrestle not against flesh and blood. aaaaaaaah! These are military terms.
Friends, these and many others are some of the principles that the military man has learnt. These guys have paid tremendous prices to have gotten there. I strongly believe that the reason why we have not had this major transformation is that we have not had men who have paid the price that some of these men have (permit me, i’m just looking at things from both sides of the coin). So it will be a disaster to hand over the baton. I believe this is not only limited to politics but the business world, as well as the spiritual sphere. There is no doubt that some of these men may be selfish and greedy. Nevertheless, let’s play our part and see if they will not naturally phase-out. Before/While you criticize IBB, how far have you gone. It was shocking that while having a discussion with some folks, a good percentage of them still said that when they get there they will still steal. A Nigerian youth with that mentality? That was a shocker.
At the time i was saying that there should be a retirement age for politicians, they are telling us that until you  attain a certain age, you may not be able to occupy certain positions.


Haven said all these, my drive is to allow you wake up to the call. Be disciplined, join a political party, add your voice the the matters that concerns the development of these nation. Develop yourself. IBB said we don’t have experience. Of  course you can’t buy it, For now, go for knowledge, i believe Knowledge can compete favourable with experience. Be relevant. We are the leaders-not of tomorrow but of now. The tomorrow they talked about yesterday is where  we are living in now. You children and mine should only know these men in the pages of history. Friends lets do our home work.


Friend, what can i say more, it is OUR time. Take responsibility, dear and i’ll see on top of your world.
We will succeed as youths and as a nation collectively.


Unil then, become all YOU CAN.

NATIONAL TRANSFORMATION (1)

Our nation has been plagued by a great number number of challenges(problems if you want to call it) for years now and if a question was to be put forward on what the major problem really is, you will either say we have a leadership or a corruption problem.Well, i bet to disagree with anyone who concurs with the above. However, do not crucify me until you hear me out.



I believe strongly that the problem we have had in this country is neither leadership nor that of corruption(at least not first –quote me-it is a LOVE problem). Love, hmmh, that rings a bell(ladies/guys, you feel me?). You are talking about national transformation and you are bringing in love, which one concern love again o,i hear you say.Give me some more time. Ok? Back to business, what i am saying is that as a nation, what is at the bane of our problem is the LACK OF LOVE. How do i mean? See, the root of what has generated to poor leadership, corruption and what have you is the lack of this key element. Yes, i have said this enough. When i mean love, i am not talking about that boyfriend/ girlfriend issue, that will be for another day.As a nation, if the foundation of our problem is not known, we can never profer solution. Whatever is the law that is passed, if we donot address the foundational problem of love, there won’t be any significant progress.I’ve said severally re-branding should not be the priority. How do you re-brand a nation with no brand.Thats another long story.
I need to continue by defining what this love is-it is a feeling of selflesness(my definition)Looking into the Oxford learners dictionary, it defines love as a deep or intense affection. Obviously, from these definitions, this is lacking in our system. If our leaders had seen themselves as people who are to be selfless and with deep affection for the populace, the thought of being corrupt will be far from the question. My Bible tells me to love God and love my neighbour as myself. For us to get any better as a nation, the love(fear) of God and fellow humans cannot be downplayed. You see, the greatest resource ever created by God is the HUMAN RESOURCE.None other is as powerful, great or effective.My challenge to all is that we must have a deep and sincere love, one to another. However, in our part of the world, this is less treasured.How do we then think we can progress.It is time we left servant-leadership to what i call love-leadership else we will never succeed as a nation.



In his latest book(multiply your success-lead) Sam Adeyemi stated that ‘love helps you appreciate each person’s worth. It helps you to recognize people’s potential and to want to add value to them. Whatever you do for man, you are actually doing for God because every human being is an extension of God .This attitude changes everything. When love is absent, greed, envy, selfishness, malice, rejection, hatred and such vices manifest in abundance. People succeed at the expense of others. He also stated that when leaders do not love the people they lead, it causes the spread of the cancer of self-centredness in the system’. Hey, love empowers a leader and increses his/her inflence. Love opens you up to creativity. When you feel that someone deserves the highest quality of life, you would begin to get ideas on how to make it happen.




Do you remember Henry Ford and his decision to resign from a company he formed just because he wanted Americans to own their cars-that was practical love. Permit me share that story. Henry Ford, a mechanic, after he had developed the petrol engine began to manufacture and sell cars but only rich people could buy his cars. Then he suggested to his directors that they make cheaper cars. His directors did not buy his idea. They were making good profit and there was no need to change something that was working. Ford resigned from the first company he founded and started another one. They began to to produce the Ford model T, a cheaper version. One day he announced that they were increasing production to one thousand cars per day.His directors were concerned, wondering who would buy the cars. He said ‘let’s produce them anyhow; i want every family in America to be able to afford a car’.Dearie, that was love.Money was not his motivation. He wanted to make life more convenient for people. The more compassion he had, the bigger this vision grew.Thus, the greater the compassion of our leaders for its citizenry, the more we can attain our vision(whether 2020/2025).
Before, i stop i should state that at the time i was thinking on the day of transfering this piece from paper and pen where i wrote it months ago to the system, a friend (Promise at work) posted this;


Now, take a look at this...


101%



From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:



What Equals 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to
GIVE OVER 100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?


What equals 100% in life?


Here's a little mathematical formula that might help
answer these questions:


If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.


If:


H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K

8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%


And:

K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E

11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%


But:

A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E

1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%



THEN, look how far the love of God will take you: 

L-O-V-E-O-F- G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%


Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!

To achieve greatness in our dear nation, obviously, the love for God and fellow humans cannot be neglected. My challenge is not just to leaders but to every Nigerian; we need to put on the garment of love because if i love my neighbour, i will never think of doing things that will harm my fellow citizen such as taking from our common resource. So please, brace up and let the ‘fever’ of love spread across our hearts and our nation.Like i said move from servant-leadership to love-leadership. Nigeria will be great, i believe. I believe that your destiny and mine will not be aborted.We are destined for greatness,we will succeed and not fail.
I believe this will be a series so stay tuned for another piece on NATIONAL TRANFORMATION.


Be all YOU CAN!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS(4)-MENTORING RELATIONSHIP(2)



“I would not be here today without conscientious mentors. My
mentor has not only given me tools and taught me skills, but she has
become a lifelong partner and friend to work in social justice.”
—Doua Thor, Mentee

One of the key ‘skills’ I am learning is; ‘building relationships’. Life is all about relationships; all other things are just details. Your life rises and falls on relationship. We’ve been coming a long way in this series and I believe they are getting to us. Not too long ago, my newest mentor (though we are still concluding on the ‘terms and conditions’) and one of the best brains I have come across said to me, ‘a mentor is not someone who advices you but one whose counsels you heed too’. As little as this statement sounds or seems, I didn’t recover from it for days-it kept ringing. Mentoring is a very important part of life. You need a head to go and stay ahead. In this note, I will be drawing our attention to some of the laws and principles that should surround a mentoring relationship. We will start with the latter. How do I know or choose my mentor is the question I would want to tackle by stating some principles;

  1. Principle of Desire: somehow, you feel to follow (to be mentored by) this individual whose desire, pursuit and passion seems to fall in line with yours. This is a principle to follow because in mentoring, you don’t go after anyone whom you think is just successful rather, that person should have a bearing similar to yours on which platform there can be a relationship. Purpose must be known else abuse is inevitable and like I said in the previous note, it doesn’t have to be one-on-one. My favourite mentor and I have not sat on a dinner table yet. Follow someone whose desire and pursuit is similar to yours. Another dimension to the principle is for you to just ‘desire’ an individual whom you think has traits you admire. You get?
  2. Principle of Inspiration/Perception: in this type, you just have a feeling or knowing deep within you to be mentored by this personality maybe because of carriage, knowledge and/or what have you but somehow you perceive you are inspired to be mentored by such a fellow. It’s just a knowing within you. Please go on. It’s a worthy principle I must state. Many times, you don’t pre-empt this. My earlier mentors were ‘gotten’ by this principle.
  3. Principle of Wisdom:  this occurs when you are just interested in this person (mentor) by the depth of his/her wisdom. You know wisdom is the principal thing and as one of my lecturers did say, it (wisdom) is neither the teacher nor the student but the principal. This is indeed a great tool in selecting a mentor. Oh, I love men who are full of wisdom, they mentor a great deal.

Now to the laws that guide mentoring. In my studies, I have come across a lot of them but for obvious reasons I will just be discussing one. However, what I’ll want you do is to ponder for some few minutes on each of them and apply them to your mentoring relationships. These laws include; law of mutual protection, law of Independence, law of openness, law of focus, law of risk, law of flexibility, law of communication, law of transaction, law of trust, law of limited responsibility etc. I will be taking on on the law of communication.

In every relationship (marital, mate, mentee and mentoring) and I mean every of them, the ‘life-blood’ is communication. In fact, one thing I believe is as powerful as love in any relationship is communication. Somebody was even asked some of the ingredients he thinks will make a relationship fruitful. His answer was; 1. Communication. 2. Communication. 3. Communication. So you see! Communication is key; dearie-it can make or mar your mentoring relationship. It is defined as the process of exchange of pieces of information, attitudes, reactions, ideas, messages, feelings, reactions etc . It is a ‘crossfire’. This ain’t a communication class and so let’s move on quickly...lol
Somebody else has said that the lack of effective communication is the greatest barrier to healthy relationships with co-workers, friends, family, and others. You and your mentor must both effectively listen and give meaningful feedback.
There are two types of listening: passive and active.

Passive Listening
When a listener does not verbally respond to the speaker. They may send non-verbal messages through eye contact, smiles, yawns or nods. It is appropriate when: the person wants to air a gripe, vent frustration, or express an opinion you want to ease back mentally or be entertained, for instance, the other person relates a joke or story.

Active Listening
Active listening involves verbal feedback. Perhaps it is through questioning of additional information or by paraphrasing (e.g., “Let me make sure I’m with you so far,” or “What I hear you saying is…”). Then you rephrase the other’s ideas in your own words. With this type of feedback, you demonstrate that you have understood the other’s concerns, observation, advice, etc.

Regardless of your role in the relationship, either as the mentee or the mentor, listening skills are critical.

Here are some tips to help you improve your listening skills:

Hold your fire. Learn not to get too excited or angry about the individual’s point until you are sure you understand it. Do not immediately draw any conclusions either good or bad. Reduce your emotional reactions.

Listen for the main points. When listening, focus on the main ideas. Make a mental outline of the mentor’s most important points. My mentor usually asks me to bring a list of what we will be discussing or send via mail before we get to see.

Resist distractions. While listening, try to ignore your surroundings and concentrate on the speaker’s facial expression and his/her emphasis on certain words.

Capitalize on thought speed. On average, a person speaks 125 words a minute. However, people process what they hear at almost four times that speed. Don’t let your mind stray while you are waiting for the person’s next point. Instead, try to “listen between the lines.” Concentrate on the non-verbal messages. In this form of relationship (mentoring) you are more on the receiving side, hence you must do all you can to grab what s/he will have to say. I have not been able to have an audience with my newest coach for over 2 months now and so when next we see, your guess is as good as mind.

Listen for the whole meaning. Listen for feeling as well as fact. In other words, try to get inside your mentor’s head. Ask as many questions ooo. It’s the best way to get them answered. You do not impress your mentor in anyway. Listen and grab all you can.
Effective listening is a skill that comes from practice and a desir
I should be writing on the ‘mate relationship’ in the next piece. So sure we are learning.
Be all YOU CAN!


I dedicate this to a worthy mentor and model, Tony Elumelu (a great lion) who just retired as the MD/CEO, UBA Plc. Your years in the system have been worth it, sir. All the accolades are deserved.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

HEARING GOD

Some days ago, I was privileged and honoured to speak to a group of women (World Wide Flame Gospel Women, Kaduna, Nigeria) based on an invitation for the third time in about a year. It was indeed a great pleasure. I thought to write to you some of the truths I shared with those folks.



I want to quickly state that I have titled this; HEARING GOD and not ‘SPEAKING’ GOD because I’d want you to know that God is always speaking. In fact, one of His first activities in the bible was that- ‘...and God said’. When you look from Genesis down to revelation, He was always speaking- to Adam, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Jesus etc. Time will not allow me to give details of each of this. What I’m I saying? It is not in the speaking cos He always does, it is in the hearing. My focus in this piece is to show the importance and ‘the how’ of hearing.



Someone has said that when God wanted to create fishes, He spoke to the waters, when He wanted to create plants, He spoke to the ground and when it was time for the man, He spoke to Himself. See, the fish cannot live without the waters nor the plant outside the ground and for man, you got it right, you/I cannot live without God and that’s why we have a lot of ‘living corpses’ as well as chaos all around us because you have a lot of folks who are separated from their source. What I am saying is that man was not designed to lead himself. You were not equipped to guide or direct yourself. Guidance is/should be from JA. (This is what the LORD, your Defender, the Holy One of Israel, says: I am the LORD your God.I teach you what is best for you. I lead you where you should go-Isaiah 48:17 GW Translation) You and I have dissipated energy unnecessarily before now, and so it’s hightime we heard God. It is an edge (I mean-the edge) we have over others. ’My people’ out there have called it the gut feeling, others still have called it the sixth sense. Well, just hear God.




Mankind remained because Noah heard and obeyed God’s instruction. Our dear father Abraham began a journey into greatness and blessings when he heard-‘God said’. Should we talk about Isaac who was rather instructed not to go to Egypt just like His father did during the famine. How about the Children of Israel who were led by the pillar of cloud by day and the column of fire by night? The Urim and Thummim as well. Can we mention David who was always in constant conversation/consultation with the Father. Talk about the great prophets (minor/major).The commonest thing among all of these men was that they HEARD GOD. That is the distinguishing factor, dear friend. Master Jesus also made a profound statement; ‘I can of myself do nothing: as hear, judge: and my judgment is righteous; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of him that sent me’-John 5:30 ASV. Now tell me, if Jesus could do nothing of His own, how much more, you and I? As many as are led by the Spirit of God are the sons of God. Pal, your sonship is in your hearing. Another thing I notice about Jesus among many others is that we are always told that He went to certain mountains to pray, this implies that before the miracles, He had to consult the Father and so before we face life’s battle, we need to face God first.

 

Now let’s get to the how. Many of us must have heard some of these and I need to bring some of

them to your remembrance:

1. FELLOWSHIP: this simply means an active relationship where you rob minds. Let’s see how we could fellowship;



a.The Holy Spirit: God the Father was in creation, God the Son in restoration and the Holy Spirit is with us. Jesus promised the’ alos paracletus’. May the Grace of our Lord Jesus, Paul says...and the communion of the Holy Spirit (2 Corinthians 13:14). The Holy Spirit should be our best friend-our senior partner. When this fellowship is alive, hearing God will be easy.

 
b.Worship: when you make this a life style, you get access to hearing the father. David became a man after God’s cos he was a worshiper. True worshipers are God hearers.

 
c.Meditation: when Joshua was worried as to how to lead the children of Israel, that word came to Him-this book of the law shall not depart out of your mouth but you will MEDITATE...Joshua 1:8-another key factor in hearing.

d.Prayer: this is one of the core keys to unlocking the channel for hearing. Praying in other tongues is also key. You get to charge up yourself. The spirit comes alive.

 

2.ISOLATION: this is the key to revelation. There should always be time for retreat. God is not always in our busy schedule. Activity is not synonymous to achievement. Elijah saw wind, fire...but God was not on any of those. He came in a still small voice. Many times he comes this way and so it will take some form of isolation to access this.

These are some of the ways to hear Him and ultimately do His will.

Haven said all these, it will be expedient to state some hindrances to hearing and they include; fear, doubt, sin etc while the ‘acid-test’ to know what God has/will say include; His word. If you ‘hear’ anything that is contrary/opposes the word, then it is not God. God and his word are one and the same and so, no ‘voice’ that opposes his word can be said to be true. You get? The other one is the inner piece. You may be distracted, tempted, delayed and what have you but if you have that inner piece then there is no need to worry. Come on, I have been there-it is a knowing beyond your ‘knower’ that God has spoken. God said it, I believe and that settles it.
I’m sure we learnt. Also see: Isaiah 55:5, John 10:1-5
It shall be well.


Be all YOU CAN.

-BISHOP

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

AT THE CENTRE...

It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man-Psalms 118:8




Some time ago, I came across the above scripture in an interesting manner and I have now decided to write this as a reminder to folks who have seen it and also as a source of information (revelation) to some others.


Let’s begin. This is what I want you to note- the above scripture is at the centre of the bible. How do I mean? Prior to Psalm 118, there are 594 chapters and after Psalm 118 are 594 chapters. Now, if you add these figures, (594 + 594) what you get is 1188 and you’ll remember the text we’re looking at is; Psalm118:8. Does that sound interesting to you? And don’t you also think it is worthy of mention? Do you think it is a mere coincidence? I bet to state a big no to the last question.

This is what God wants us to see.The centre/middle of a thing signifies it’s core; it signifies the heart of a matter. The Psalmist is now informing us that at the core/centre/middle/heart of God’s word is to put our trust in Him. I want to ask, has there been where (consciously/not) you put your trust, then you need to ‘wake up’ for God ain’t pleased. You need to have a rethink-be transformed.


Now permit me to explain word for word. ‘It is better’; you see, there is a comparism here. What this implies is that, in life, we have various options to choose from. Life has given us a lot of options but of course the most important of them all is human (the human being is the greatest resource ever created). We were made in the image of God, we are gods so there is a tendency to ‘compete’ with God but we are reminded here that it is better to put our trust in God than man. I hear GOD say, ‘for your sake son/daughter, it is better to trust in me than your fellow man’. It is BETTER, dearie, it is BETTER. No wonder somewhere else His word says, trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all you ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. I know I am on a series on ‘building human relationships’, however, I show you a more excellent way...lol. Friend, see God as your source (of whatever). I mean-the source and see men as your means. That’s the balance. You get?

What I have stated in the paragraphs above are what I came across. Further still, I went ahead to do a ‘synthesis’(no wonder His words are new every morning) and found out that if you add all the chapters of the bible, they will make up to 1189 and so I decided to look at Psalm 118 again. Look at what Psalm 118:9 says; ‘It is better to TRUST in the Lord than to put confidence in princes’. Now this is for the class of those who belong to the class of the bourgeois or possibly have the big shots as their associates and/or sponsors. Those whose lives have been dependent on the resources of men with ‘timbre and calibre’ (prince) need to begin to look up. Am I communicating? cos I feel like preaching here. The best of man is still man, no matter how highly placed they are. Trust God more. Let him be primary and the prince, secondary.


The two (2) scriptures prove to me that no matter your state (prince or mere man) or who you know; the key to your success is to put trust in Him. You have an option not to but it is better, yes, it is.

Summarily, God should be at the centre of our lives. He should be the reason behind every thought, decision and action. This is the crux. This is the whole matter.

Quickly let me show you 2 perspectives that may enable you maximize this better:

You must come to the understanding of the fatherhood nature of God. We are His workmanship (poiema-His product, His fabric). God actually makes no junk. Everything He made, he called good and this does not exclude man-the prime of His creation. Man (you and I ) are the reason for all other creatures. Those creatures were perfectly created by God for our ‘consumption’. This understanding should enable us put our trust in Him. How about His love? He didn’t spare His Son; His only son. How much more? Perhaps some of us do/did not have the best of fathers and so we have not been able to see God as one. However, I can tell you He is. Get this understanding, friend and your trust ‘temp’ will increase.


Secondly I want you to see what my dear friend (LDP*) wrote at about the same time i was composing this,

"In you our fathers put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them." - Psalm 22:4

I was about to leave Singapore to New Zealand when my Dad called me into his room and his words to me are still resounding till date. He said, "Son, you are no longer a kid and since you knew your left from your right, you have seen the way I and your Mum live our lives. You see the way we rely on God for everything and nothing we own came without we trusting in God for it". He rounded off the Father-to-Son talk by saying, "as you have seen us behave, you should also emulate - learn to trust in God for everything and it shall be well with you". Those were the words, I held on to on my way to New Zealand.
I tell you, since I got to New Zealand, I've faced mountains - challenges that looked insurmountable but what I've learnt to do is to trust and God has always seen me through those situations. I must confess, there is something about the testimonies of our fathers that gives us confidence on our God. No wonder, several times in the scriptures, God would remind the Israelites how he delivered their fathers - from slavery in Egypt; how their shoes and clothes didn't fade even in the wilderness and how he fed them for those long years...

Ultimately friend, PUT YOUR TRUST COMPLETELY ON HIM-that is the core of HIS word.

*LDP is sure a great guy. I met him on FB and he has been a great blessing and a brother indeed. He is a voice to be heard, I must also confess. You need to see more about his great works here



Be all YOU CAN!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS(3)-MENTORING RELATIONSHIP

Everything rises and falls on relationships. Life is all about relationship, all other things are details. I quickly want to do some re-cap on what I have written in the first two in this interesting series on relationships and if this is your first, kindly see below or click on my notes Facebook ( olaniyi soyinka) for the previous. Every human being is a living magnet made for connection and not for isolation. You are where you are partly due to the relationships you’ve got and that is why you have to be deliberate about them-the reason behind this write-up; to enable you choose them, value them, cultivate good, cherish them, optimize them, diversify them.





There are four (4) types of relationships; the mentoring relationship, contemporary relationship, protégée relationship and spousal relationship. To aid retentiveness; I have decided to call them the 4-M’s of relationships and they include:



1. Mentoring Relationship

2. ‘Mate’ Relationship

3. Mentee Relationship

4. Marital Relationship





I have also said, 4 cos the no.4 represents balance. You are likely sitting on a 4-leg chair, driving a 4-wheel car, living in a 4-wall house. Ok? Balance. You will also observe you have North, South, East and West; front, back, right-side, and left side. This is what I am saying; you have a mentor ahead of you (your front), your mate (friend, contemporary) on your left, your mentee at your back and your spouse on your right. That is it- you are all covered. You get? And like I said in the last piece, I will continue with mentoring relationship, so let’s move on.



“For two people to share mind and heart, such sharpness severs


metal, and the words of those sharing mind and heart, such


fragrance is like orchids.”

—Commentary on the Appended Phrases,

I Ching, Tongren





The oxford advanced learner’s dictionary defines a mentor as an experienced person who advises and helps somebody with less experience over a period of time. However, primarily, a mentor helps the mentee clarify career goals (etc) and carry out a plan to reach those goals by sharing insights and knowledge they have gained through their experiences. Think of the mentor as a “learning leader” who facilitates a learning process, rather than as a guru who passes down “the word” to the mentee





“The mentoring relationship is like an estuary: part salt water, part


fresh, sometimes flowing in, sometimes flowing out, a meeting place


for all kinds of different things, fertile, fluid, dynamic.”

—Jay Gillen, Mentor



This is the issue; you need a head to go ahead. I know you have ideas and great thoughts that no one has seen, however, some have gone through that path and that’s why there ain’t a new thing under the sun. Some have said you need a father (mentor) else you become a feather and the wind will easily blow you away. Others say, fathers are like feathers whose wings you could easily fly. Whichever get a father-a mentor.



I must quickly say that it is mentorship and not sponsorship. You need to draw the line. What I am saying is that for you to be ‘effective’ in any profession, you need the tutelage of someone who has gone ahead. It must quickly also be said that this is not limited to ‘one-on-one’. If you have such, perfect. However, you can be mentored by biographies, stories, books, tapes etc. For instance, I have never met my favourite author and mentor (Dr .Myles Munroe) but he mentors me by his materials. Remember, the world is a ‘global village’.





The responsibilities of a mentor are as follows:

• provides guidance based on past experience

• creates a positive counselling relationship and climate of open communication

• helps the mentee identify problems and solutions

• leads the mentee through problem solving processes

• offers constructive feedback in a supportive way

• shares stories, including mistakes

• refers the mentee to other business associates

• must be honest about business expertise

• solicits feedback from the mentee

• comes prepared to each meeting to discuss issues





Some of the benefits you stand by having a mentor include:



GROWTH: a relationship that does not add to you in anyway should not be contemplated. Because your mentor should be/is more experienced, you tend to have a greater tendency to grow in the field you have decided to get coaching for and so a mentoring relationship provides for growth.

SPEED: since you mentor has had a lot of experiences- good, bad, ugly etc he/she will definitely guide and prevent you from going through those roads that will reduce the pace of your success. Your mentor will have, as it were, seen it all and so will show you the ‘smooth path’

• MONEY AND TIME: See, by having a mentoring relationship, you tend to save money and time. Obviously, by the wealth of experience of that mentor, the money and time you’ll have spent on some stuffs will be saved for some other things. So save money and time by having a mentor. Hope you get?

OPPORTUNITIES: one thing a good mentor will create for you are platforms. He/she will create room and open doors for you to express yourself and be all you have been called to be. Actually, the son is supposed to be greater than the father (the glory of the latter...)...that will be for another day.

SUCCESS: needless to say, by having a mentor (a good one), your level of success ultimately increases. You success may know no bound by the measure of ‘help’ you will get from him/her.





“I would not be here today without conscientious mentors. My


mentor has not only given me tools and taught me skills, but she has


become a lifelong partner and friend to work in social justice.”

—Doua Thor, Mentee





Other benefits include; increase in credibility, loyalty, increased level of knowledge etc

Now don’t you think I need to stop here for now... I will continue on the ways to get one subsequently and also some of the laws. For me, mentoring and being a mentee have been of great help. Go get a mentor and become one.

Until, I come your way again...keep building great relationships and remember to be deliberate about them.





Be all YOU CAN!

To be continued...