Tuesday, June 29, 2010


Everything rises and falls on relationships. Life is all about relationship, all other things are details. I quickly want to do some re-cap on what I have written in the first two in this interesting series on relationships and if this is your first, kindly see below or click on my notes Facebook ( olaniyi soyinka) for the previous. Every human being is a living magnet made for connection and not for isolation. You are where you are partly due to the relationships you’ve got and that is why you have to be deliberate about them-the reason behind this write-up; to enable you choose them, value them, cultivate good, cherish them, optimize them, diversify them.

There are four (4) types of relationships; the mentoring relationship, contemporary relationship, protégée relationship and spousal relationship. To aid retentiveness; I have decided to call them the 4-M’s of relationships and they include:

1. Mentoring Relationship

2. ‘Mate’ Relationship

3. Mentee Relationship

4. Marital Relationship

I have also said, 4 cos the no.4 represents balance. You are likely sitting on a 4-leg chair, driving a 4-wheel car, living in a 4-wall house. Ok? Balance. You will also observe you have North, South, East and West; front, back, right-side, and left side. This is what I am saying; you have a mentor ahead of you (your front), your mate (friend, contemporary) on your left, your mentee at your back and your spouse on your right. That is it- you are all covered. You get? And like I said in the last piece, I will continue with mentoring relationship, so let’s move on.

“For two people to share mind and heart, such sharpness severs

metal, and the words of those sharing mind and heart, such

fragrance is like orchids.”

—Commentary on the Appended Phrases,

I Ching, Tongren

The oxford advanced learner’s dictionary defines a mentor as an experienced person who advises and helps somebody with less experience over a period of time. However, primarily, a mentor helps the mentee clarify career goals (etc) and carry out a plan to reach those goals by sharing insights and knowledge they have gained through their experiences. Think of the mentor as a “learning leader” who facilitates a learning process, rather than as a guru who passes down “the word” to the mentee

“The mentoring relationship is like an estuary: part salt water, part

fresh, sometimes flowing in, sometimes flowing out, a meeting place

for all kinds of different things, fertile, fluid, dynamic.”

—Jay Gillen, Mentor

This is the issue; you need a head to go ahead. I know you have ideas and great thoughts that no one has seen, however, some have gone through that path and that’s why there ain’t a new thing under the sun. Some have said you need a father (mentor) else you become a feather and the wind will easily blow you away. Others say, fathers are like feathers whose wings you could easily fly. Whichever get a father-a mentor.

I must quickly say that it is mentorship and not sponsorship. You need to draw the line. What I am saying is that for you to be ‘effective’ in any profession, you need the tutelage of someone who has gone ahead. It must quickly also be said that this is not limited to ‘one-on-one’. If you have such, perfect. However, you can be mentored by biographies, stories, books, tapes etc. For instance, I have never met my favourite author and mentor (Dr .Myles Munroe) but he mentors me by his materials. Remember, the world is a ‘global village’.

The responsibilities of a mentor are as follows:

• provides guidance based on past experience

• creates a positive counselling relationship and climate of open communication

• helps the mentee identify problems and solutions

• leads the mentee through problem solving processes

• offers constructive feedback in a supportive way

• shares stories, including mistakes

• refers the mentee to other business associates

• must be honest about business expertise

• solicits feedback from the mentee

• comes prepared to each meeting to discuss issues

Some of the benefits you stand by having a mentor include:

GROWTH: a relationship that does not add to you in anyway should not be contemplated. Because your mentor should be/is more experienced, you tend to have a greater tendency to grow in the field you have decided to get coaching for and so a mentoring relationship provides for growth.

SPEED: since you mentor has had a lot of experiences- good, bad, ugly etc he/she will definitely guide and prevent you from going through those roads that will reduce the pace of your success. Your mentor will have, as it were, seen it all and so will show you the ‘smooth path’

• MONEY AND TIME: See, by having a mentoring relationship, you tend to save money and time. Obviously, by the wealth of experience of that mentor, the money and time you’ll have spent on some stuffs will be saved for some other things. So save money and time by having a mentor. Hope you get?

OPPORTUNITIES: one thing a good mentor will create for you are platforms. He/she will create room and open doors for you to express yourself and be all you have been called to be. Actually, the son is supposed to be greater than the father (the glory of the latter...)...that will be for another day.

SUCCESS: needless to say, by having a mentor (a good one), your level of success ultimately increases. You success may know no bound by the measure of ‘help’ you will get from him/her.

“I would not be here today without conscientious mentors. My

mentor has not only given me tools and taught me skills, but she has

become a lifelong partner and friend to work in social justice.”

—Doua Thor, Mentee

Other benefits include; increase in credibility, loyalty, increased level of knowledge etc

Now don’t you think I need to stop here for now... I will continue on the ways to get one subsequently and also some of the laws. For me, mentoring and being a mentee have been of great help. Go get a mentor and become one.

Until, I come your way again...keep building great relationships and remember to be deliberate about them.

Be all YOU CAN!

To be continued...

Thursday, June 10, 2010


Several weeks ago, Forbes introduce a new list of billionaires and Marrk Elliot Zuckerberg was said to be the youngst of them and possibly the youngest 'self-made' billionaire too.
My point in this note is to show us the power of an idea and to get us challenged by this young guy. What is that idea? 'Cast the rod down'. However, the only issue i have with him is that he is an atheist.
Before i start sermonizing please follow me as we read a story about this young guy. I had it said several years ago that Biology is not the study of life but rather, Biography.

Born: May 14, 1984 (age 26)
White Plains, New York, USA
Occupation: Co-founder, CEO & President of Facebook
Net worth: US$4 billion (2010)
Religion: Atheist

Mark Elliot Zuckerberg (born May 14, 1984) is an American entrepreneur best known for co-founding the popular social networking site Facebook. Zuckerberg co-founded Facebook with fellow classmates Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, and Chris Hughes while attending Harvard. He is currently one of the youngest billionaires in the world with personal wealth of US$4 billion in 2010.
Early life
Zuckerberg was born in White Plains, New York to a Jewish family and raised in Dobbs Ferry, New York. He started programming when he was in middle school. Early on, Zuckerberg enjoyed developing computer programs, especially communication tools and games. Before attending Phillips Exeter Academy, Mark went to school at Ardsley High School. “At high school, he excelled in the classics. He transferred to Phillips Exeter Academy where he immersed himself in Latin. He also built a program to help the workers in his father's office communicate; he built a version of the game Risk and a music player named Synapse that used artificial intelligence to learn the user's listening habits. Microsoft and AOL tried to purchase Synapse and recruit Zuckerberg, but he decided to attend Harvard University instead, where he joined Alpha Epsilon Pi, a Jewish fraternity. In college, he was known for reciting lines from epic poems such as The Iliad.
Zuckerberg launched Facebook from his Harvard dorm room on February 4, 2004. The idea for Facebook came from his days at Phillips Exeter Academy which, like most colleges and prep schools, had a long-standing tradition of publishing an annual student directory with headshot photos of all students, faculty and staff known as the "Facebook". Once at college, Zuckerberg's Facebook started off as just a "Harvard-thing", until Zuckerberg then decided to spread Facebook to other schools and enlisted the help of roommate Dustin Moskovitz. They first spread it to Stanford, Dartmouth, Columbia, Cornell and Yale, and then to other schools with social contacts with Harvard.

Moving to California
Zuckerberg moved to Palo Alto, California, with Moskovitz and some friends. They leased a small house which served as their first office. Over the summer, Zuckerberg met Peter Thiel who invested in the company. They got their first office during the summer of 2004. According to Zuckerberg, the group planned to return to Harvard in the fall but eventually decided to remain in California. To date, he has not returned as a student to college.
Facebook Platform
On May 24, 2007, Zuckerberg announced a Facebook Platform, a development platform for programmers to create social applications within Facebook. This announcement sparked a great deal of interest in the developer community. Within weeks, many applications had been built and some already had millions of users. Today, there are more than 800,000 developers around the world building applications for Facebook Platform.
On July 23, 2008, Zuckerberg announced Facebook Connect, a version of Facebook Platform for users.
Facebook Beacon
On November 6, 2007, Zuckerberg announced a new social advertising system at an event in Los Angeles. A part of the new program, called Beacon, enabled people to share information with their Facebook friends based on their browsing activities on other sites. An eBay seller, for instance, could let friends know automatically what they have for sale via the Facebook news feed as they list items.
The program came under heavy privacy concerns from both privacy groups and individual users. Zuckerberg and Facebook failed to respond to the concerns quickly, and on December 5, 2007, Zuckerberg ultimately wrote a blog post on Facebook taking responsibility for issues with Beacon and offering an easier way for users to opt out of the service.
ConnectU Controversy
Harvard students Cameron Winklevoss, Tyler Winklevoss, and Divya Narendra accused Zuckerberg of fraudulently letting them believe he would help them build a social network called HarvardConnection.com (later called ConnectU). They filed a lawsuit in 2004 but was dismissed without prejudice on March 28, 2007. It was refiled soon thereafter in U.S. District Court in Boston, and a preliminary hearing was scheduled for July 25, 2007. At the hearing the judge told ConnectU parts of their complaint were not sufficiently pled and gave them the ability to refile an amended complaint. On June 25, 2008, the case was settled and Facebook agreed to pay a $65 million settlement.
As part of the lawsuit, in November 2007, confidential court documents were posted on the website of Harvard alumni magazine 02138. They included Zuckerberg's social security number, his parents' home address and his girlfriend's address. Facebook filed to get the documents taken down, but the judge ruled in favor of 02138.

Microsoft investment in Facebook
On October 24, 2007, Facebook Inc. sold a 1.6% stake to Microsoft Corp. for $240 million, rejecting a competing offer from online search leader Google Inc. This would indicate that Facebook had a market value of $15 billion at the time of the sale. A software update for Microsoft's Xbox 360 games console has been released which added support for Facebook, Twitter and Last.fm.
Facebook in 2009
As of December 2, 2009 Facebook has claimed that it has attained over 350 million users.
There is a movie based on Mark Zuckerberg and the surrounding creators of Facebook, called The Social Network. It is currently set to release in 2010, and stars Jesse Eisenberg and Justin Timberlake.

Be all YOU CAN!

Wednesday, June 02, 2010


Life is all about relationship, all other things are details. I must thank you all for your comments on the 1st piece in this series. However, I will be most grateful if you go and do-the-word. Like I said, everything rises and falls on relationships-just like leadership. I know I’m suppose to go ahead discussing one of the types of relationships(mentoring) I did mention but I’m not gonna do that in this piece. You’ll permit me to still lay some foundation in this ‘school of relationships’. I hope after reading, you’ll know why.

Now, 2nd Kings 3:1-17 talks about king Joram- king of Israel. There was a rebellion from the king of Moab; refusing to pay his ‘tributes’. Hence, king Joram decided to go into war with him. However, he was wise enough to invite King Jehoshapat, the king of Judah. The summary is this, it got to a point that K.Joram became frustrated that God had brought them into that battle to be killed.Can you imagine? He brought others into the war-front but was giving up. Thank God for the choice of a friend who now asked, ‘Is there no Prophet of the Lord with us?’ Yea! They found Elisha; from one of the servants (again, relationship).There was still another problem. Elisha didn’t want to relate with K.Joram (double wahala).He finally did and prophesied-‘you shall not see rain or wind...’, just because K.Jehoshapat was on his envoy. I’ll ask again, what kind of relationship do you have? Can/will they deliver you in trouble?

Can we go a step further? Even our master, Jesus, He had to develop relationship-his disciples and like LDP said, Jesus developed a relationship before performing his first miracle. I tried to think and please see the result of my thought. You see, Jesus was a controversial figure. His birth for instance. People wouldn’t have believed Him. In fact, it was stated that He couldn’t do many miracles in His homeland. Now, for Jesus’ ministry to be effective, He had to select men whom the people were used to...fishermen, an accountant, a custom officer...What wisdom? They were also of diverse temperaments. So if Jesus could do this to get His ministry on; how about you and I. Do decide and choose wisely. Quite a lot of other references from the greatest book on earth.

Let’s look at another; see, in Ephesians 6:13-18, the bible talks about putting on the armour for warfare. You will agree that there was protection for almost every part of the body (belt of truth; breast plate of righteousness, helmet of salvation etc) except the back. What does that imply? Can you please for a moment picture yourself in a battle accompanied with other fellow soldiers. I believe you wouldn’t mind who/ what is behind you cos a fellow of yours will be there. That’s just what it implies. The bible didn’t give a provision for what should be behind because those that should be there are our ‘relationship partners’. Makes sense? So how many of those friends of yours can be behind you and give positive comments even when you are not there? Can you be recommended?

I must also say that though relationships could be your greatest assets, it could also be your greatest
threat. That’s why there are; SUBTRACTORS, DIVIDERS, ADDERS AND MULTIPLYERS. Seek for the last two. Though the first two could also be learning points...hmmmh.

Quickly, before I drop, I also think I should share on the levels of relationship so you don’t go and become a victim; 1.Acquaintance level 2.Friendship level 3.Covenant/Accountability partner level. See, you must not jump this order in building relationships...it’s step by step

1.Acquaintance level: this is the ‘hi hi’ level. You just know each other by name. Exchange pleasantries and that’s about all. You just know the person.

2.Friendship level: at this point, you begin to know some details. He/she actually becomes your friend. You assist one another in time of need. Know some bits of each other’s secrets. You network! Rich men know these principles and that’s why they keep like-minded folks close by. hmmmh; ‘Iron sharpens iron ; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend’(Proverbs 27:17).This also begins on a casual level before it becomes intimate. See, ’the poor is hated even of his own neighbour: but the rich has many friends’-Proverbs 14:20

3.Covenant/Accountability Partners: this is the climax and a classical example is the relationship between Jonathan and David. This person knows virtually everything about you. Your weaknesses, pains, joys, disappointments etc Usually many folks have this as their as spouses but since most of us don’t have one yet, then? But those on this level should be few, 1, 2 or 3 at most for obvious reasons. ’A man that has friend must show himself friendly and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother’-Proverbs 18:24.

Hope we learnt...

I’ll be back with ‘mentoring relationship’, next. Go develop godly ones. I love you for real.

Be all YOU CAN!